I’ll bet you’re wondering why Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey have those expressions on their faces. It’s one part regret, one part confusion, and one part utter bafflement as to why they agreed too make this movie. God knows I’m sitting here, watching Holidate, with that exact same look on my face. Maybe it’s because this movie is completely without charm. Maybe it’s because Plus One with Jack Quaid and Maya Erskine already did this exact same thing a year ago. (Or The Mistletoe Promise, or Leap Year, or My Fake Fiancé, or The Wedding Date, or Holiday Engagement, or The Proposal, or Just Go With It. You get the idea.) Maybe it’s because this movie is rammed so full of every rom-com cliché that it makes The Holiday feel like real life.
Holidate is the kind of movie that passes off making snarky swipes about other romantic comedies as self-awareness.
As for what a “Holidate” is? Well, it’s a platonic plus one for whenever you need a no stakes escort to any one of a multitude of group or family gatherings. Yes, that really is as stupid as it sounds. In fact, the exchange between Sloane (Emma Roberts) and Jackson (Luke Bracey) as they come up with the plot-worthy plan of being each other’s “Holidates” is so painfully mundane, their moment of sudden revelation so forced, that I should have switched off right there and then.
Besides stretching the definition of a “holiday,” this movie has absolutely nothing to say. Not about holidays and not about dating. It is neither sweet nor sentimental. It leaves you instead with far too many questions. Are we supposed to find Sloane’s unpleasantness charming? What’s the point of having a secret pact if everyone knows about it? Has cleaning up after someone who has just had explosive diarrhoea ever lead to sex afterwards? (I’m not kidding.) Is Cinco de Mayo actually a thing that white people celebrate or is it just another excuse for them to get drunk?
There are no answers to any of these questions. It doesn’t matter if any of this makes sense. No one really cares. Not me. Not you. Not the people who made this damn movie.
So instead of me writing another 500 or so words about why you shouldn’t waste your time watching this, I decided instead to compile every bad rom-com cliché contained in this movie and make a bingo card.
This obviously isn’t for when you’re watching Holidate, because you would “bingo!” about 5 minutes into the movie. Use this instead for when you’re watching other romantic comedies. It should give you a pretty good idea as to whether or not what you’re watching is an utterly incompetent dumpster fire.
Holidate
Netflix
103 minutes
Director: John Whitesell
Writer: Tiffany Paulsen
Cast: Emma Roberts, Luke Bracey, Jake Manley, Jessica Capshaw, Andrew Bachelor, Frances Fisher, Manish Dayal, and Kristin Chenoweth.
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